Two things that I know now about life: one, not everybody in this world will be your biggest fan. Two, I get to choose how I respond to them.
In your life right now, more than likely there is someone who absolutely doesn’t like you. You don’t know why, they probably don’t really know either. All that matters is, at the end of the day, they just don’t like you. So what do you do about it? Do your walls come tumbling down at their harsh words of criticism, or disdain. Do you give into anxiety every time they walk into the room or look your way, or even say hello because you know their every word is marked with passive aggression or hidden meaning? Do you cry after every report of the mean spirited things they say about you?
We read in Matthew 7, that we are to deal with the log in our own eye before we take out the splinter in someone else’s. What comes to mind when I read that is, how can I do better? Maybe that looks like changing the look I give to the mom with the unruly children at the grocery store, because her kids may be way more behaved than mine are 95% of the time, and I simply just caught them in a bad moment.
Maybe it’s changing the words I use to speak about that lady I know who lives down the street when in my limited view, it seems like she’s not making the right decisions for her family – the truth is, I have no idea what journey she’s on. People looked down on the woman who gave her last copper coins as an offering, but Yeshua exalted it above those who gave more because only He knew what was going on within her heart.
It looks like never, under any circumstances speaking ill of another person, or saying things behind their back that I wouldn’t say to their face. You should never be more comfortable talking about a person than you are talking to them. More than that, you shouldn’t let people talk about another person in your presence. Believe me when I say this, the same people that talk to you about someone, will soon be talking about you to someone else.
“You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people…” | Leviticus 19:16
“Talebearer” is translated from the Hebrew râkìyl, which refers to spreading rumors or falsities about someone. It is always used in a negative manner.
“An ungodly man digs up evil, and it is on his lips like a burning fire” | Proverbs 16:27
Gossip hurts. There’s a Swahili proverb that says, there’s no such thing as a secret between two people. So, as you speak ill about someone, a small part of you must know that it will somehow get back to them, and that your words will hurt them. So ask yourself, what is it that’s lingering in your heart that is leading you to inflict pain on another person.
“The words of a talebearer [a gossiper] are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly” | Proverbs 18:8
Leviticus 19:16: “Do not go about spreading slander among your people.” In the New Testament, we read: “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless” (James 1:26). These are strong words, but according to this verse, the religion of those who slander is worthless!
Let’s follow the words in Ephesians, where Paul tells us how to use our words for the benefit of others.
“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” | Ephesians 4:29-32
So instead of a thinly veiled, “Let’s pray for sister Mary Beth, I hear she had to use food stamps at the grocery store last week,” how about you take Mary Beth out to coffee, or bake her a casserole and offer to give her a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear. How about instead of stealthily asking, “Do you think brother Jackson has been gambling again, I saw him driving towards the race track last week,”you pray for brother Jackson in your prayer closet, for him be a better man.
If you’ve been on the wrong end of a gossiping tongue, keep your head up. You are not who people say you are, you are who God says you are. Let’s be kind to one another, in this world, we are all each other has.
Dear Lord, I’m so grateful I don’t have to walk around all day trying to figure out who likes me and who doesn’t. I can simply rest in the truth that I am completely and perfectly loved by You. Help me simply live loved today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
– Lysa TerKeurst