Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you are having fun celebrating with your friends, loved ones or that special someone.
This is our first married, and it's got me feeling all sorts of nostalgic and lovey-dovey. I wasn't planning or expecting to do anything special for Valentines. We had a date night on Saturday and splurged more than we usually do, so I thought that would be it for our celebration, but then Derek decided we should at least go get each other a card.
So I wake up this morning, and find on the dining room table, a card, a box of chocolate, and the best part of it all, was this great letter that was just...great! Derek totally won Valentine's Day this year, hands down. To which he said, "Stop, there's no winning, I just wanted to make it special for you." Gah! He wins even more.
It all got me thinking about how two weeks after we met, I heard a voice telling me, “this is it, this is love.” The only way I can describe that feeling is when you’ve saved up your entire life to go on vacation and see the ocean for the first time. So you finally get to pack your bags, and head out and land on a beach on a beautiful island. You walk to the shore line and wade in, anticipating a gentle caress of the ocean water, but instead, the tides catch you unprepared and knocks you off your feet. It's beautiful and overwhelming and fills you with joy and nervous energy all at the same time.
Until last year, I've never had a boyfriend on Valentine's day & last year we were long-distance, so 2017 was literally my first card and box of chocolate from a boy! So to a certain extent, I have to admit I was a bit incredulous to the possibility that my prayers would be answered when it came to falling in love. We’ve all been there, we make our lists and check them twice, and we think we know and are ready for what’s to come, but you never really know until everything you want hits you in the face. Then, we get a chance to choose whether we’ll open your arms to it, or run away from it.
That moment for me was after I made a mistake, a totally unnecessary mistake born out of a mix of shame and lack of faith. I told a lie of omission, because I didn’t think it would matter. Unfortunately, for something that “didn’t matter”, the guilt of it ate me up inside, because a part of me knew I was falling in love and there was no room for lies or misunderstandings where we were going. So I confessed, and the way that my then-new-boyfriend handled it, and his gracefulness in that moment did it for me, and that’s when I heard that voice — quickly followed by a mini panic attack on my end like, “oh my gosh is this it?! oh my gosh is this it?! oh my gosh this is it!!!!”
I had a great talk with my mentors about how to navigate different seasons in life and they said something that marked me forever. They said, the first thing they look for is a Word from the Lord.
Sometimes we’re placed in situations that require an unshakeable trust in the things that the Father has said to look for in that season. Knowing His word gives momentary things a purpose. If you don’t have a Word from the Lord, get one: ask Him and He’ll find a way to show you.
So here we are standing on the threshold of the rest of the rest of our lives and whatever “it” looks like. I know that we’re still in the “ladida” honeymoon phase of our relationship, but I’m so grateful to know that through good times and bad times, I can lean on His Word over our lives.
