AP's Day: Month I

I'm introducing a new tradition to my family. Every month, on the date of your birthday, we as a family celebrate you in one way or another -- nothing major. Even if it's just reminding you of who you are and all the things we love about you.

As our family gets bigger, I think it'll be a fun way to make sure all our kids get time to get loved on by us, and I see these as special date days, where each kid gets 1 day a month to go out with me and Derek and do something they love to do.

Today is the 18th, which makes today AP's Day!

A. You are every bit your name - you are happy, joyful and I consider myself very, very fortunate to be your mom. You are by far the easiest introduction to motherhood I could have hoped for. We can already tell you are going to be incredibly strong - you were strong making your way into this earth and you are strong still. Every day we ask God for the wisdom to mould your strength to be purposeful to His Kingdom.

You are a leader, and you know what you want, when you want it. You are also just the sweetest, and your smile melts our hearts every.single.time. You are determined and independent, but you also know when you need help, and take it when you can get it. Your touch can melt the stiffest of hearts and you will bring healing to a lot of people in this world. Your eyes are bright and you are incredibly aware, and I think you inherited my discernment, and I hope as you get older, you're able to look beyond the surface and see the heart of the matter in everything that's presented to you. I pray for wisdom to mark your character, all the days of your life.

God's word for you this month:

"There won't be a day, when He's not by your side, 

there won't be a day, than He'll let you fall.

In all of your life, His Word will be true, 

For all of your life, you will worship Him."

That my son, is the key, that's all you need. His Word, and to worship Him, because He is always by your side, and He will never let you fall. 

Just Call Me Mommy

It hit me today, 3 weeks into motherhood, how much I love being a mom. This is legitimately what I've wanted to do and be with all my heart since I can remember. Playing pretend with my dolls and getting my teddy bears dressed up in Sunday morning, stuffing a pillow up my shirt and waddling around the house like a pregnant woman -- these were the games that marked my young imaginary mind. Here I am now, in this moment I waited for my whole life - and it is not what I imagined at all.

The moment AP was born, the second I heard his cry, it's like someone set a spark to a part of my heart I didn't even know existed and my heart was ablaze. It was different to anything else I'd felt before. I love my husband with every cell in my body, but the love I have for my son is different. I chose to love my husband, I choose to love him everyday, to where now it's not a choice, it just is. He will always exist in the love I have for him. But with my son, it's different, there was no choosing to love him. It just is. Denying my love for him is impossible, there's no way to turn this flame off.

I love my son, I love being a mom, I am truly living my purpose and I'm already counting down the days to expanding the brood. One thing my years of daydreaming and pretend didn't prepare me for was how HARD it would be. 

It's hard to go from only worrying about yourself to having the existence of a whole other human being dependent on you. What he eats, what he learns, his perception of the world. It's hard to not sleep -- to know the second your body relaxes, it'll be time to wake up again. It's hard to lay in bed and feel the need to check if your sleeping child is ok 20 times a night. It's hard when you think no one can love your child more than you do and you doubt yourself and your partners' ability. It’s hard to realize breastfeeding is THE full-time job — there are literally no breaks. Once you decide to do it, you’re doing it. It’s on you to feed that baby, the second they need it.

It's hard, but man this love…rich, heady, all encompassing and satisfying.

I love, really, really love being a mom. This right here, this is living now.

Happy Mother's Day!